I don’t know about you, but when the world is falling down around me, I want to eat cake. And not just any cake.  I want a rich, moist, chocolatey, rescue me from despair cake.  I also want it to be a cake that I can whip up and have on my plate in a short period of time.  Because the world is falling down, for Christ’s sake!!!  There is no time to be spending hours on this thing.  WE NEED CAKE NOW!

When I was baking for the Heartland Cafe in Chicago (which is sadly no longer in existence), my boss introduced me to this recipe.  If you’re from Chicago, you probably remember the Heartland.  It was a funky little diner in the Roger’s Park neighborhood that prided itself on being a place for political gatherings, live music, spoken word poetry and a weekly radio show. Their menu was all about simple, delicious food with lots of vegetarian options.

I had been baking bread for the cafe for several months when we got a new head chef. She had some changes in mind for the place, like many head chefs will do.  One such change was the introduction of a vegan chocolate cake.  Now, if you’re like most people, the minute you hear the words “vegan cake”, you turn and walk in the opposite direction as fast as you can. But hold that judgement for just a minute, because this vegan cake just happens to defy all logic. It will prove you wrong on that assumption that it’s going to taste like cardboard.

So back to the fact that the world is falling down.  People are sick, there’s a shortage on toilet paper, there’s a shortage on Clorox wipes, there’s a shortage on face masks. And what’s that you say now? There’s a shortage on eggs???  Here comes that vegan cake to the rescue.

This recipe assumes two things.  You have a desire to eat cake and you have the ability to mix some shit together in a bowl.  That’s about all it takes to make this.  Sure, you can get all fancy with it and make it four layers tall with frosting in between each and pretty little frosting flower decorations, but seriously, who has time for all of that right now? We’re in crisis baking mode!!

If you decide to go the frosting route, I highly recommend Earth Balance for the margarine.  It’s just good – trust me.  Otherwise if you need this cake in your mouth right now, skip the frosting and dust that shit with some powdered sugar.  The recipe also states that you can divide it up amongst two pans (for that fancy layered crap), but you can skip that too.  Just add it to one large 13×9 baking pan and bake it for a few extra minutes.  And voila. You have yourself a vegan cake to save the world. Or at the very least to save your sanity.

Gimme the recipe